As we all know, when you make the choice to do a blog, you are providing people an unfiltered view into your personal life. You are confronted with both positive and negative assumptions, perceptions and perspectives of what people may think. It is a vulnerable place to put yourself in, but my hope is that by sharing my truth that it may help others and help me continue to heal myself.
My food and supplementation choice is one of the most important choices I have made in my life and has assisted with keeping my body healthy and strong and not allowing my disease (Multiple Sclerosis) to take over or be aggressive. I believe in my heart that the choices I have made have tremendously assisted in maintaining a healthy and strong body as it once was not.
However, as many of us struggle with diets, exercise, food and addictions there are many of us that live and face a life with anxiety, depression and PTSD. If that is the case what choices do you make? What helps you create comfort? What stops the pain? The questions can go on for ever and no one answer helps all.
I myself face this journey and I am in the process of continuing to learn to heal and have strength to move forward without shame and embarrassment. It is hard to not feel that you are not being judged for the way you feel. It is hard to explain to people that a product of you PTSD is from childhood trauma that had to do with verbal, physical and sexual abuse. Many relate to PTSD as something that only military people suffer from. At one point I believed that myself. I have been in therapy since I was 17 years old and I am now 35 and my struggles are still difficult. I am now at a point in my life that I want to face the PTSD and find of the roots of this pain. I also want to learn how to face these aches and pains of emotional sadness, fear and anger with food, supplements and exercise along with finding spiritual guidance.
I have learned a great deal about some of the roots with a great therapist that I starting seeing last year. She has assisted me more than any therapist has and has also assisted my journey with EMDR therapy. However, this is difficult and is a very hard journey with several triggers that bring you back to what feels like square one.
For many the feeling of anxiety, depression and PTSD will have similar symptoms but again will be specific to you. For me I will experience a trigger or a feeling that creates anxiety that then begins to manifest into depression. I start to feel sick with knots in my stomach and I become very tired and start to shut down. I lose all appetite and can not eat. I also feel a nauseous feeling and end up in a near disabled state. It is almost if there are several arms reaching out of my bed that are beckoning me to come lay down. Darkness and being alone feels safe. You want nothing but to sleep despite knots or internal body aches. It is almost as if you want to just drift away. You do not want to feel the pain, fear and anxiety. You want to scream, cry and run but all you can do is lay down. Your heart starts to feel heavy with embarrassment and shame. You do not want anyone to know or see you suffer.
Part of a Journal Entry:
So why share these specifics and details when my goal is to share benefits of food and nutrition? Why share an issue that will allow people to know such personal information? The reason is because I know I am not alone in this journey! I know that I am not alone in making great changes in health in my life by trying to heal in a more natural way! I am not against medication, however I have been on several and I have not improved but I did numb out and I did band-aid issues that are still rooted in my body. I want to focus on healing in a different way and if I ever feel the need for medication again I will be honest with you and let you know. If you take medication now and it works please stay on it. Everyone is on their own journey and everyone has to do what works for themselves. If you are on a similar journey then know that you are not alone and despite the pain and discomfort I feel at this moment that we will figure this out and we will be OK.
I feel that I may be close to healing and it may be why I am experiencing episodes more often. I hope to look back one day at this blog post and share with you my growth and healing, and one day be able to share how to handle triggers without a relapse into anxiety and depression.
If you read this and you are feeling that you are suffering and need help then please do not hesitate to ask for help or call the suicide line at 1-800-273-8255.
Some things that I am doing that I hope will help is:
- Therapy (If you do not have a therapist I highly recommend you look for one as this is vital in your healing process but do make sure they are helpful to your healing and it is ok to keep looking until you find the right one)
- Ask for help
- Take a B12 supplement
- Take a SAMe supplement
- Take a aswanganda supplement
- Try to eat even if it is small bites. Something is better than nothing during these episodes
- Eat foods like salmon, walnuts, strawberries, blueberries and fruit high in antioxidants
- Lower or discontinue caffeinated drinks
- Watch funny videos
- Watch helpful videos about anxiety and depression on places like TEDx talks (https://www.ted.com/topics/depression)
- Get rest (Sometimes your body feels all you can do is sleep but do not punish yourself and push yourself to be more than you can)
- Take a walk or do a 5 min workout to get your body moving
- Ask for a massage if you feel ok to be touched
- Soak in a bath
- Use Essential oils
- Change the tape (when negative thoughts come up or repeat in your mind try and change it to a positive and let that repeat)
- Cry ( sometimes you need to let out the tears and sadness but do your best to not stay in that place)
- Read articles about others with similar struggles so you do not feel alone but do not let it consume you. Take what helps and move on.
- Read inspirational quotes and listen to inspirational music
- Pray and give it up to God or whatever/whomever you may believe. It make not seem to help at first but sometimes you have to ask a higher power for help and let it be taken from you
Books I am reading to help guide my healing:
(Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist and any comments, suggestions that are listed are not intended to be taken as professional advice. The content I provide is part of a journey that I am doing and I am hopeful that my words and shared examples may be helpful. However, if you are in need of professional advisement please do not hesitate to seek professional care.)